Category Archives: Relationships

It Has To Be Said

Recently I have come across more than the usual litany of languishing love lorn losers. Sorry, but that is the most apt term. Men who meet a Filipina online and fall in love with her without ever meeting her face to face. It happens and it happens a lot and there is an argument for the emotions generated by the online communication to be as real for the individuals involved as if they had met in person. But that isn’t my point and even if they met in person with no internet connection whatsoever there is no guarantee the relationship will be genuine or last. But there are some aspects that make it almost guaranteed to either fail or at the very least cost a ton of money and cause a heartfull of grief.

First of all remember there are some 50 million females in the Philippines and at least ten million of them will be ‘available’ at any one time. Try and count to one hundred thousand let alone ten million and you will get some idea of the scale. In other words, if she is a one in a million kind of Filipina there are at least another nine just like her out there waiting for you. So, like buying a second hand car, remember there will always be another one, faster, newer, cheaper and with less miles on the clock if you keep looking.

Secondly, if she is married and needs an annulment or divorce then run, don’t walk and find someone else. I know there are many happy ever after stories of men who have bankrolled the annulment and married their one and only and they lived happily ever after but mostly this doesn’t happen. Mostly she gets a ton of money from you that goes to her attorney if she is telling the truth, or her parents, siblings, boyfriend or husband. Annulments take years and cost thousands of dollars and even if granted can be overturned by the District Attorney whose duty it is, on behalf of the Filipino Family, to prevent marriage breakdown. I know, a load of rubbish but that is the law here. Look, it might feel great to play Ivanhoe and be her knight in shining armour but believe me, the humidity in the Philippines quickly tarnishes the shiniest of armour!

Be very, very careful. Of some fifteen couples my wife and I knew when we got married, more than half are no longer together and these were genuine relationships that progressed to marriage. I know many more chat cam love affairs that were just scams for money and much more. Be careful out there, fellas.

Same Sex Issues Here Too

In the USA and Australia there is a lot of opinion, either way, about same sex relationships and whether they should be allowed to marry. In Australia recently Prime Minister Julia Gillard, herself living in a de-facto relationship for many years, says same sex couples should consider using a different word than marriage. I agree as it would allow them to have the same legal rights as heterosexual couples (and two mothers-in-law) but not offend those who take offence in these matters.

Imagine what it is like for homosexuals in the Philippines, especially those who are devout Catholics. Leviticus 20:13 is clear on the matter, stone them! So for a homosexual to ‘come out’ in the Philippines is a brave thing. One such brave man is lawyer Raymond Alikpala who has written a book about his life in the closet. Given how small the houses are in the Pinas, you can imagine their closet space would be at a premium and quite cramped! Read the news release for more details.

Penpal Or Scam Artist?

It is no secret that a lot of men find happiness and a new life in the arms of a Filipina. Often she is two or more decades younger than he is and this alone causes tongues to wag, heads to turn and so on. If one were totally, brutally honest it would be easy to confess that the attraction is an exchange of youth and sex on the one hand and security and a better life on the other.

Most of the women men will meet via these penpal sites, although by far not all, will not be int he upper socio-economic echelons of Filipino society. It is rare to see a 20 year old girl from a wealthy family walking arm in arm with a man 40 years her senior, yet that is commonplace with Filipinas from the province and much poorer families. Who is anyone to comment or judge on the sincerity of their relationship? Even if he is after sex and someone to take care of him and she is after someone who can take her to a better life abroad and help her care for her family… so what?

Realistically, such a marriage has a better chance of producing happiness than one based purely on some adolescent romantic fantasy ideal. All through history marriages have been made for reasons of wealth, security, land gain, advancement and so on with ‘love’ rarely getting a look in. Who’s to say that genuine affection and love doesn’t blossom over time, let alone that your concept of love is any more valid or honourable than mine or the next person’s.

Of course there are scammers on both sides. There are the desperate, should know better middle aged and older American or European who treats these women’s feelings like a doormat and their bodies like a rag to wipe themselves on when they have had their fun. There are also the professional penpals who know how to milk the men who are genuinely looking for someone in their lives they can love, cherish and provide for.

On the 6th Anniversary of ‘Filipina 101 -How To Meet And Marry The Filipina Of Your Dreams‘ I am looking at the state of the Fil-Am penpal scene in 2011 with a view to updating the text for 2012. The first step in that review is to look at some of the penpals, both male and female, working the web today. So far it has been an eye opener, even for jaded old me.  Click on the link and come and read the report and keep checking back as new information comes to hand. You might even learn how to detect a scammer, or whether she is really a he!

Trying To Find Staff

If you run a business over here one of your biggest headache creators will be staff. I used to think it very cruel and neo-colonial, the way many Pinoy and Chinoy (Filipino and Chinese-Filipino) employers treated their staff. Like a cross between recalcitrant children and indentured slaves. Now I can appreciate why.

I have learnt if you give them a fair go as you would back home, too many will take unfair advantage of you. Our last IT staffer started out like a nipa hut on fire. As she realised we were decent blokes she took advantage, turning up later and later, missing whole days and eventually not even bothering to apologize. She’s gone now.

Looking for a replacement has been a challenge to my Angeles City based partner. Our office there is in residential premises so we usually meet clients at their offices or somewhere neutral like Starbucks at the Mall. Seems too many Filipinos must feel the job isn’t legit if we have to meet off site. Of course back home we do that if we want to interview in a neutral locale or if there is still someone in the role who will soon be fired.

Eventually my partner used his network of business contacts to hunt down some hopefuls and, with an introduction from someone they trust, we had several actually turn up to be interviewed. One will start monday and hopefully be able to hit the ground running, as they say. It’s all fun and frolic in the Philippines!

That’s Classified!

There is a new classified ad site for all things Philippines. Philippine Finder is the place to go for real estate, cars,  items anything that is up for sale for the expat or retiree. There is also a personals section where you can find friends, activity partners or seach for romance.  You can advertise there free of charge. Right now it is a little light on for ads, but so was the Yellow Pages the day the first telephone was installed! The more people who use it to advertise and respond to ads, the better a service it will become.

Introductions Equals Money

There are hundreds of ‘penpal’ sites, introduction agencies and lonely hearts sites on the web nowadays. Many of these showcase Filipinas, as well as women from Latin America and the former Soviet Union. This article is not about the moral or ethical side of this industry (and it is an industry in more ways than one) but about how you could become involved in it in an ethical and moral way.

The reality is that people are out there looking for each other. We will discuss why in depth another time. Let’s look at the introduction agency. Until the IMBRA law was introduced in the USA a few years ago (International Marriage Brokers Act) many sites charged the man a fee to belong and to get the details of the women members so they could correspond. The view was to meet, marry and live happily ever after. However some men (and some women) abused this and lured unsuspecting partners to their graves in extreme cases and horrible lives of virtual slavery in others. Not all and no doubt a very tiny minority but even one sad story is one too many.

The Philippines government introduced a law to prohibit the running of introduction agencies from the Philippines however providing you did not promise marriage and did not charge the female a fee you were not breaking the law. All the same most people didn’t trust the local judicial system enough to risk it. Those introduction agencies that offered Filipina names and addresses were often run by Filipina wives of Americans, living in the USA. These went from catalogues mailed to the man (hence the term ‘mail-order-bride) and required months of patient snail mail correspondence to the instant gratification of email and online viewing of photos and details (her profile). It also meant that the Filipina could become more pro-active and hunt for a ‘kano’ to call her own.

This technological advance gave unscrupulous people the chance to abuse the system and make money or take other advantages. Men could lure women to their home country and abuse them as sex slaves, Filipinas (and all too often Filipino transsexuals posing as women) could induce men to send them money under false pretenses. The IMBRA law was tagged onto other legislation and passed late at night prior to a holiday and was brought about by the tragic deaths of two women from Russia, not the Philippines. While no one can condone such abuse, the law while well intentioned has been unfairly passed and applied. Large web sites such as yahoo are exempt as while they do have many foreign members, they are not exclusively about introducing foreigners to Americans. Religious sites are exempt due to the power of the religious lobby no doubt and so many sites have suddenly become ‘Christian Dating’ sites.

Basically the law requires the web site to ensure the American supplies full personal particulars to any foreign member (such as financial and criminal records, full address etc) BEFORE they are able to open correspondence. When the couple finally decide to marry the fiance is questioned by Immigration if the law was complied with and if not then they will not be granted a K1 visa. Or a K3 if they married overseas. It is no doubt well intentioned but it is a recipe for disaster and it forces otherwise law abiding people to lie and find ways around the situation or open you up for identity theft or worse.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. For those living overseas who want a Filipina partner, simply come here on vacation and travel around. Read ‘Filipina 101-How To Meet The Filipina of Your Dreams’ for all the information you need to know about how to correspond or meet her in the mall. It also tells you how to detect a scammer and how to avoid her as well as new information on chat cam scams.

But if you live in the Philippines and wish to make a living helping other people find happiness together, this is how I would do it. First of all you must have your Asawa on your side. She is vital as she will be the one to choose and vet the Filipinas. You will find and vet the Kanos. You need only about ten local girls from your Asawa’s home barangay. Relatives and girls she knows personally. Girls she knows do not have current boyfriends and she knows if they have babies or husbands or any of the other surprises that can be launched on the unsuspecting Kano.

Then you set up a web site offering a guided vacation in a barangay locale where the holiday maker can meet real Filipinas and learn about the culture and the community with no pressure or obligation to make any promises at all. For all the details of how to set up a business in the Philippines, check out ‘Making A Living- The Streetwise Philippines Guide To Employment, Business and Investing’. You meet the holiday maker at the airport and guide them to the barangay, arrange their accommodation and site seeing and act as a friend and guide for a set period. During that time you introduce them to the vetted girls in a casual, relaxed family BBQ type situation and let things take a natural course.

You promise only this:

You will meet the client at the airport and guide them to the locale.

You will show them the local sites and hold a BBQ in their honour at which several local Filipinas will be present.

All of the Filipinas will be known to you or your Asawa and in your opinion be genuine and not already married (unless stated).

You will escort the client back to the airport or wherever you both agree to ‘release’ him.

No promises of marriage are made and no online introductions are made so neither sets of laws are infringed, US or Filipino. You charge a modest fee for your time and costs and only from the guest. I would suggest US$100 a day depending on costs and length of visit. You could charge a two day minimum with half in advance (give a receipt) and be clear about your trading and refund terms. Be professional and fair and you will be surprised at how you attract more people of the same nature than bad ones.

Be aware there are some unscrupulous people offering similar services already. They have slick web sites and convincing text but they take the deposit and then fail to produce the service. If you are active on the Yahoo groups for expats and people interested in the Philippines then you will build up a clientele that can vouch for you; word of mouth and reputation is crucial to long term success in this country as anywhere. This idea of mine is for a service that helps Kano and Filipina find each other. You facilitate the possibility only. No promises are made and for $100 the Kano can’t complain if he was shown a slice of real Filipino barangay life not usually experienced by tourists and then sent safely on his way. A date with an American woman will set him back more than that.

Be diligent and find genuine Filipinas. Devise a set of questions to ascertain the bona fides of the Filipina and the Kano and after a while you can sort the wheat from the chaff. Deliver as promised and keep in mind this is a customer focused service. Most Kanos who will pay for this service tend to be genuine in their endeavours to find a Filipina they can trust. The scum tend to know it all already and have their own Modus Operandi. The customer helps you live in the Philippines so take good care of him and ask for referrals.

If one of the girls turns out to be a scammer, deal with it. If the Kano turns out to be less than genuine, again, deal with it. Problems occur in all business ventures, the secret is how you deal with them. Always aim for a Win/Win/Win outcome. Thats the Kano, the Filipina and you all being winners. It can be done and in the long run it is far more lucrative than the rip off or scam could ever be.

TAMPO REVISITED Part Two

When Tampo slaps you around the chops there is not a great deal you can do about it at fist. You have to let it run its course for a while so the Tampo-er gets some value out of the exercise. Start trying to make amends too soon and you will only prolong the agony. Leave it too long and you might just burn your bridges forever.

The Filipina is a very temperamental creature as any who have one will attest. You will never be spot on, afterall she is a woman first and foremost and Man will never understand Woman. If that day should ever come the entire DNA and Genomes of the female of the species will alter as if by some cosmic signal. You will never win, OK?

So how do you lose less? First of all do not rejoice with the coming of tampo. It is not an excuse to hit the golf course or go fishing. You must remain within icy stare range so you can not only suffer, but be seen to be suffering. No point stamping feet and slamming doors if you are not there to witness that.

Always keep in mind two things, and these two things are worth a great deal. In fact they are so important I can not charge for them, I must share them with all mankind if only to rack up the Brownie Points necessary to assure me of my passage to the promised land or wherever one goes Post Pinay.

1. This Too Shall Pass Never lose sight of the fact this will end one day. It may not end as you want it to but it will end. Try not to lose sight of this and blow your stack. Do not trivialize the actions or inaction you are responsible for that brought this tampo upon you. The reasons for this are included in the second vital point:

2. Remorse Must Not Only Be Felt, It Must Be Seen To Be Felt Filipinas are drama queens. They believe in the show don’t tell mantra. You must not only feel remorseful you must show it. We men would call it overacting, hamming it up. Filipinas call it necessary behaviour. Especially so if anyone else has seen she is upset and you are the cause. It is now of national importance that you are seen to be apologizing to her.

Be very aware of your facial expressions and body language. Filipinas misinterpret so many of our words and apply them only at the extreme end of the register. Arrogant is one of these. You will be considered arrogant if you don’t fawn sufficiently. Even if you feel it demeans you, it doesn’t. Not in their minds. They have very different ideas of what constitutes appropriate behaviour (amor propiyo) To the Filipino, being arrogant means so much more than it might to us. It is a slap in the face of those you feel you are superior to.

Being arrogant is difficult for us to avoid as we do not know the subtle indicators of humility the Filipino grows up with. They laugh and giggle when they are embarrassed and everyone knows it means they are embarrassed, not rude or couldn’t care less. Yet we foreigners think they are not treating the situation with sufficient gravity. We look people in the eye when we apologise yet we should cast our eyes downwards in shame and so on.

There are many other lessons to be learnt about dealing with the Filipina and hopefully we can include most of them here in future articles. Keep checking back or buy an eBook!

TAMPO REVISITED Part 1

Tampo is the most searched for term this Blog gets, according to my site traffic statistics. So perhaps some more discussion on the topic is called for? Tampo literally means sulking, or to sulk. Of course it means much more than that and is closely related to other Filipino cultural anomalies such as amor propiyo or honourable behaviour and hiya, or pride, face etc.

Basically the tampo-er withdraws their favour and affection, in fact any interaction whatsoever, from the tampo-ee. In a culture where it is considered very poor form to release one’s pent up emotions with verbal and physical outbursts, tampo does the job for them. It can take the form of resisting expressions of affection, not talking to the person concerned or to people in general, being unusually quiet, locking oneself in his or her own room, refusing to eat, not joining friends in group activities, withdrawing from the group, simply keeping to oneself. These are usually efforts to get the offending party to make amends, and if these behaviours do not work, one might choose to escalate them, perhaps to foot-stamping, door-slamming, or muttering. (Wikipedia 2008. Tampo)

We Kanos might think someone who sulks is akin to a petulant child, however in the Philippines they view it very differently. Remember the cultural norm there is not to vent one’s feelings as that will cause offense and embarrassment to others, not just the person you are unhappy with. Remember how important it is to Filipinos to get along, pakikisama or group harmony is a key cultural element.

There is a lot of common sense and practicality behind tampo when you consider the hierarchical nature of Filipino society and the close proximity of people living often in less than sound-proof conditions in multi-family groupings. Not much scope for intimacy and privacy between husband and wife or siblings.

There are domestic disputes in Filipino communities, make no mistake about that. People still have rows and yelling matches and get violent. However the accepted manner of managing such disputes is via tampo, not a slap across the chops or a chase with a kitchen knife. Tampo is almost exclusively used by the Filipina but Filipino men have been known to apply it in rare cases. Of course it doesn’t work on the Filipina and a man would be a fool to try and tampo his wife, be he Filipino or Kano. What is good for the goose simply doesn’t work for the gander in this case.

As for what does work and how to deal with being the tampo-ee will be the subject of the next installment.

SO YOU’RE GOING TO BE A DADDY!

Taking A Look At The Cost Of A Pregnancy

Last month we took a peek at how much it costs to leave this mortal coil. This month we’ll start at the beginning and discuss bringing a new Filipino into the world. I have only been responsible for one new mouth to feed in this burgeoning land, but I have done my research and it is interesting how the costs and what you get for your peso varies from place to place. I can’t comment on Manila, although I have been led to believe the situation is pretty similar and prices fairly consistent.

So, you and the Asawa are about to enjoy the blessed event, you’re in the family way, she has a bun in the oven or, as they say in Visayan, she is Buntis! Well done but now you have to suffer the mood swings of the first trimester, the incredible urges of the second trimester and the dragged out interminable length of the third trimester! Personally I wouldn’t want to suffer through that again and I remind the Asawa of this whenever the subject arises. Since she is a Filipina and we only have two kids (I inherited a lovely daughter) this subject does arise often. She also thinks I would have an illegitimate child with another woman providing it is son! As far fetched as that sounds to us foreigners, it is perfectly reasonable to a Filipina.

If you think you are too old to become a Daddy (again perhaps), then stay away from the Philippines. I know men who have fathered at the age of 73 and men hitting retirement age at 65 and being a new parent at the same time is not at all a rare occurrence here. Some might argue how fair that is for the child, will they ever really know their father? Who knows? People are living longer these days and if having a child with a woman 30 or 40 years your junior keeps you feeling young, who is to say what is and isn’t right?

What is important is that if you have the child, make sure you look after the poor little tyke! That care starts as soon as you know the Asawa is pregnant. Women are funny creatures and I haven’t all the answers but I have learnt that what might seem trivial to us mere males is of vital significance to a pregnant Filipina. Keep in mind they may be sensitive and insecure to begin with and all of a sudden they are burdened with bringing a new life into the world. She wouldn’t be the first woman to wonder if you are going to stick around until and then after the big day! Some reassurance, no matter how trite and banal it might sound to your male ears, just might make all the difference.

Remember women go through some major hormonal swings when pregnant, it is a big deal after all. You really have to give them a lot of leeway and put up with a great deal of BS, for want of a more apt term! Not just the regular female pregnant BS, but the stuff that has her wearing black bra and panties to keep the Onggu’s away, or stuffing leaves in the window sills and pinning black patches onto her clothing. I must admit the Juju works as we didn’t get one Onggu coming around wanting to rip into the foetus! Some of these Onggu’s actually cut themselves in half and fly away into the night, then crash through the roof and drop onto the sleeping mum to be and devour the baby! Not worth the risk! Get the black knickers and keep them handy!

You also need to keep away from old women down the market. Many of these crones are actually Onggu’s themselves and love to disrupt the pregnancy by touching the swelling belly. They cluck and make cooing noises but in reality they are sucking the vitality out of the unborn! Don’t let it happen and make sure she has her Anting Anting pinned to her black bra!

Now, should you make it to the big day, you will have had to attend a pre-natal every month. Or maybe not! Some women can’t afford it or don’t want the expense, others will rely on the Barangay Quack Doctor or local midwife. Personally I have a lot of faith in these midwives. They have seen just about everything there is to see when it comes to Ob-Gyn work! Forget Stanford Medical School or wherever, these old hags have been in the front line for generations.

Our local Quack successfully turned our baby when it was threatening a breech presentation and the rather expensive, US trained Ob-Gyn specialist in Cebu was too scared to risk trying this. Of course I was left in ignorant bliss about what was happening to my child or maybe I would have stuck my fat foreigner face in where it turned out not to be needed.

Now at first we wanted the local doctor in the province to handle the pre-natal and delivery but she refused. It seems us foreigners have a reputation of complaining about everything and not finding local standards up to snuff. Actually, for a rural practise I have always felt Dr Dublin runs a pretty tight ship up there in Daanbantayan. Anyway, we had already cancelled our Cebu Doctors’ Hospital Specialist after the breech presentation fiasco and we didn’t think we’d make it down to Cebu in time anyway. Or else we would have to hang around in a hotel there for a week racking up the bills. Plus when I told the Asawa she could spend whatever she saved on some nice jewellery she was quite happy to look for something cheaper than the P25,000 (starting price and providing here were no complications) Cebu Doctor’s were charging. If she needs a caesarean and quite often the wives of foreigners do, that will set you back at least P50,000 or so at Chung Hua or Cebu Doctors’.

There are packages in Cebu at the Cebu Maternity Hospital from about P10,000 and this includes all the pre-natal check ups, ultra sounds and so on. A friend of ours insisted his wife have their child there as it was a maternity hospital and not a hospital full of sick people. If you have seen your average Filipino hospital you would understand his point. Basic hygiene is ignored as money for cleaners and maintenance is pocketed by the administrators and nursing staff are too proud of their professional status to clean walls and windows. Or do much else other than stand around and chat!

My sister in law had a P10,000 package deal at the Vellez Hospital but when she had complications and later, tragically died, the limitations of the “package” became evident. We could not move her to a private, aircon room because then we would have to pay for the doctor’s visits. Even though the room was right next to the public one she had been in for days! The rigid adherence to ridiculous “hospital policy” amidst emergency situations and surrounded by a total lack of professionalism really does make us foreigners wild. Perhaps Dr Dublin knew a thing or two I didn’t?

In the end we spent around P12,000 and had the baby delivered at Medellin Base Hospital. We had to buy our own delivery kit for the doctor and her team to use in the delivery room! This cost a few thousand but the local drug stores know what’s on the list and stock everything. Make sure you insist on pain killers for the wife for before and after delivery, the word epidural was unknown to the midwife! The doctor had heard of the term but since few of her patients could afford such luxury, she never wrote a script for it!

Be there and make sure you know what is supposed to happen because not all of the staff may know much about nursing, first aid, basic health and hygiene etc. Just because they graduated nursing school doesn’t mean much in my experience. I studied my US Army Special Forces Medical Handbook, an absolute must for any Expat! When the nurse brought my newborn daughter to me, I knew enough to know she had fluid on the lung and needed to be drained and ventilated. I turned her over and fluid poured out of her! Frightening.

My oldest daughter was born at home with just my father in law assisting. It thankfully went without a hitch as the midwife was delayed and of course, it was virtually free. However, although babies have been born since Adam was a lad, maybe I’m too much of a modern day wimp. Pay the money and get the best medical care for your wife and new born that you can afford. And be thankful you can afford it.

There’s A Name For It…TAMPO!

Surviving Her Moods, One Kano’s Way To Deal With Tampo.

tampo

Anyone who has spent any time at all with  Filipinas will know about Tampo. Sulking.  The silent treatment.  Filipina’s have it down to an art form that their western sisters may have once boasted, but have since lost the skill as their masculine side came more to the fore! Tampo is so terminally female, so illogical in its logic, yet so cruelly effective most of the time.  There are ways to defend against it, even fight back but none are as powerful as Tampo itself! Read on.

Tampo is an accepted mode of behaviour within the Filipino culture.  It allows for the offended party to display their hurt and offense without offending anyone else, including whoever offended them in the first place.  Clever, don’t you think?  Coming from a society where it is quite acceptable for someone to run “Amok” and kill as many as they can before being brought down themselves, Tampo is a far less lethal, yet just as effective way of getting your message across.  And nobody dies.
Yes, women do the tampo, men run amok, you didn’t think it would be the other way around did you?

So the gentler sex has this weapon at her disposal that can cut a man dead as quickly as a strike from a Bolo.  Not literally, but figuratively.  When you are on the receiving end of tampo, you know it!
She will not talk to you, harsh punishment from a woman of any nationality as women place more store in communication and conversation than men do.  For a Filipina, a person brought up in a culture that places the group above the individual and getting along with everyone in that group more important than personal advancement, not speaking to you is really playing hard ball.

For us foreigner men we might actually enjoy the silence, the hours or days free from nagging or shrew like remarks but this will be short lived.  She will tune in and realise that we are actually enjoying the peace and quiet and so she will up the intensity a little.  Some physical contact and cold shouldering will come into play.  Doors will be subtley slammed, plates crashed down on the table in front of us and other signals will be sent to show that we are being punished and that we should not enjoy the process!

Repeated attempts to get her to explain why she isn’t talking to you will be met with silence.  After all, she isn’t talking to you, remember?  If she did give you an answer it wouldn’t make sense to  your
logic restricted male brain. Nor would it necessarily be anything more than a representation of her emotional state, devoid of any tangible connection to anything you have ever said or done, but perhaps things you may have intended, thought or could one day perhaps, maybe, might, possibly do.  Like I said, forget logic, reason and trying to make any sense of the situation.  Simply accept you did worng, you are being punished and you have a duty to make ammends.

This will entail paying lots of attention to her over considerable periods of time.  No matter how much she ignores you, keep at it. It may take days or it may be only hours but slowly she will allow you to
do little things for her and she may even speak directly, albeit abruptly, to you.  Gradually she will soften further and tehn before you know it she will be the warm, loving asawa of old and you had
better warm up and forget the cold time and be ready to go on as if nothing happened!  If, like me, you find it difficult to be sexually aroused after a few hours of tampo, then don’t be surprised if she
goes right back into full blown tampo because you don’t love her anymore! You should be girding your loins as the ice melts and be ready to perform, studlike, as a show, proof shall we say of your love, devotion, fidelity, etc etc.

Remember, to a Filipina there is no shame in showing tampo, or being in tampo.  In fact the others in the family or barkada will have respect for her because she has a problem and she is dealing with it the right way and without embarrassing herself or anyone else by yelling and screaming. Like what us foreigners usually do!

Does it work the other way?  Can a foreinger husband tampo the wife? I guess you can but I realy can’t see it having the desired effect.  It really is a female thing but I really don’t agree with the men’s
way of showing their displeasure, beating up the wife.  The alternative is to grab the Bolo and “run amok!”.  I’ll try hiding in my den for an hour or two!