Philippines Books

Taking A Look At The Cost Of A Pregnancy

Last month we took a peek at how much it costs to leave this mortal coil. This month we’ll start at the beginning and discuss bringing a new Filipino into the world. I have only been responsible for one new mouth to feed in this burgeoning land, but I have done my research and it is interesting how the costs and what you get for your peso varies from place to place. I can’t comment on Manila, although I have been led to believe the situation is pretty similar and prices fairly consistent.

So, you and the Asawa are about to enjoy the blessed event, you’re in the family way, she has a bun in the oven or, as they say in Visayan, she is Buntis! Well done but now you have to suffer the mood swings of the first trimester, the incredible urges of the second trimester and the dragged out interminable length of the third trimester! Personally I wouldn’t want to suffer through that again and I remind the Asawa of this whenever the subject arises. Since she is a Filipina and we only have two kids (I inherited a lovely daughter) this subject does arise often. She also thinks I would have an illegitimate child with another woman providing it is son! As far fetched as that sounds to us foreigners, it is perfectly reasonable to a Filipina.

If you think you are too old to become a Daddy (again perhaps), then stay away from the Philippines. I know men who have fathered at the age of 73 and men hitting retirement age at 65 and being a new parent at the same time is not at all a rare occurrence here. Some might argue how fair that is for the child, will they ever really know their father? Who knows? People are living longer these days and if having a child with a woman 30 or 40 years your junior keeps you feeling young, who is to say what is and isn’t right? 

What is important is that if you have the child, make sure you look after the poor little tyke! That care starts as soon as you know the Asawa is pregnant. Women are funny creatures and I haven’t all the answers but I have learnt that what might seem trivial to us mere males is of vital significance to a pregnant Filipina. Keep in mind they may be sensitive and insecure to begin with and all of a sudden they are burdened with bringing a new life into the world. She wouldn’t be the first woman to wonder if you are going to stick around until and then after the big day! Some reassurance, no matter how trite and banal it might sound to your male ears, just might make all the difference.

Remember women go through some major hormonal swings when pregnant, it is a big deal after all. You really have to give them a lot of leeway and put up with a great deal of BS, for want of a more apt term! Not just the regular female pregnant BS, but the stuff that has her wearing black bra and panties to keep the Onggu’s away, or stuffing leaves in the window sills and pinning black patches onto her clothing. I must admit the Juju works as we didn’t get one Onggu coming around wanting to rip into the foetus! Some of these Onggu’s actually cut themselves in half and fly away into the night, then crash through the roof and drop onto the sleeping mum to be and devour the baby! Not worth the risk! Get the black knickers and keep them handy!

You also need to keep away from old women down the market. Many of these crones are actually Onggu’s themselves and love to disrupt the pregnancy by touching the swelling belly. They cluck and make cooing noises but in reality they are sucking the vitality out of the unborn! Don’t let it happen and make sure she has her Anting Anting pinned to her black bra!

Now, should you make it to the big day, you will have had to attend a pre-natal every month. Or maybe not! Some women can’t afford it or don’t want the expense, others will rely on the Barangay Quack Doctor or local midwife. Personally I have a lot of faith in these midwives. They have seen just about everything there is to see when it comes to Ob-Gyn work! Forget Stanford Medical School or wherever, these old hags have been in the front line for generations.

Our local Quack successfully turned our baby when it was threatening a breech presentation and the rather expensive, US trained Ob-Gyn specialist in Cebu was too scared to risk trying this. Of course I was left in ignorant bliss about what was happening to my child or maybe I would have stuck my fat foreigner face in where it turned out not to be needed.

Now at first we wanted the local doctor in the province to handle the pre-natal and delivery but she refused. It seems us foreigners have a reputation of complaining about everything and not finding local standards up to snuff. Actually, for a rural practise I have always felt Dr Dublin runs a pretty tight ship up there in Daanbantayan. Anyway, we had already cancelled our Cebu Doctors’ Hospital Specialist after the breech presentation fiasco and we didn’t think we’d make it down to Cebu in time anyway. Or else we would have to hang around in a hotel there for a week racking up the bills. Plus when I told the Asawa she could spend whatever she saved on some nice jewellery she was quite happy to look for something cheaper than the P25,000 (starting price and providing here were no complications) Cebu Doctor’s were charging. If she needs a caesarean and quite often the wives of foreigners do, that will set you back at least P50,000 or so at Chung Hua or Cebu Doctors’.

There are packages in Cebu at the Cebu Maternity Hospital from about P10,000 and this includes all the pre-natal check ups, ultra sounds and so on. A friend of ours insisted his wife have their child there as it was a maternity hospital and not a hospital full of sick people. If you have seen your average Filipino hospital you would understand his point. Basic hygiene is ignored as money for cleaners and maintenance is pocketed by the administrators and nursing staff are too proud of their professional status to clean walls and windows. Or do much else other than stand around and chat!

My sister in law had a P10,000 package deal at the Vellez Hospital but when she had complications and later, tragically died, the limitations of the “package” became evident. We could not move her to a private, aircon room because then we would have to pay for the doctor’s visits. Even though the room was right next to the public one she had been in for days! The rigid adherence to ridiculous “hospital policy” amidst emergency situations and surrounded by a total lack of professionalism really does make us foreigners wild. Perhaps Dr Dublin knew a thing or two I didn’t?

In the end we spent around P12,000 and had the baby delivered at Medellin Base Hospital. We had to buy our own delivery kit for the doctor and her team to use in the delivery room! This cost a few thousand but the local drug stores know what’s on the list and stock everything. Make sure you insist on pain killers for the wife for before and after delivery, the word epidural was unknown to the midwife! The doctor had heard of the term but since few of her patients could afford such luxury, she never wrote a script for it!

Be there and make sure you know what is supposed to happen because not all of the staff may know much about nursing, first aid, basic health and hygiene etc. Just because they graduated nursing school doesn’t mean much in my experience. I studied my US Army Special Forces Medical Handbook, an absolute must for any Expat! When the nurse brought my newborn daughter to me, I knew enough to know she had fluid on the lung and needed to be drained and ventilated. I turned her over and fluid poured out of her! Frightening.

My oldest daughter was born at home with just my father in law assisting. It thankfully went without a hitch as the midwife was delayed and of course, it was virtually free. However, although babies have been born since Adam was a lad, maybe I’m too much of a modern day wimp. Pay the money and get the best medical care for your wife and new born that you can afford. And be thankful you can afford it.

Surviving Her Moods, One Kano’s Way To Deal With Tampo.

Anyone who has spent any time at all with  Filipinas will know about Tampo. Sulking.  The silent treatment.  Filipina’s have it down to an art form that their western sisters may have once boasted, but have since lost the skill as their masculine side came more to the fore! Tampo is so terminally female, so illogical in its logic, yet so cruelly effective most of the time.  There are ways to defend against it, even fight back but none are as powerful as Tampo itself! Read on.

Tampo is an accepted mode of behaviour within the Filipino culture.  It allows for the offended party to display their hurt and offense without offending anyone else, including whoever offended them in the first place.  Clever, don’t you think?  Coming from a society where it is quite acceptable for someone to run “Amok” and kill as many as they can before being brought down themselves, Tampo is a far less lethal, yet just as effective way of getting your message across.  And nobody dies.
Yes, women do the tampo, men run amok, you didn’t think it would be the other way around did you?

So the gentler sex has this weapon at her disposal that can cut a man dead as quickly as a strike from a Bolo.  Not literally, but figuratively.  When you are on the receiving end of tampo, you know it!
She will not talk to you, harsh punishment from a woman of any nationality as women place more store in communication and conversation than men do.  For a Filipina, a person brought up in a culture that places the group above the individual and getting along with everyone in that group more important than personal advancement, not speaking to you is really playing hard ball.

For us foreigner men we might actually enjoy the silence, the hours or days free from nagging or shrew like remarks but this will be short lived.  She will tune in and realise that we are actually enjoying the peace and quiet and so she will up the intensity a little.  Some physical contact and cold shouldering will come into play.  Doors will be subtley slammed, plates crashed down on the table in front of us and other signals will be sent to show that we are being punished and that we should not enjoy the process!

Repeated attempts to get her to explain why she isn’t talking to you will be met with silence.  After all, she isn’t talking to you, remember?  If she did give you an answer it wouldn’t make sense to  your
logic restricted male brain. Nor would it necessarily be anything more than a representation of her emotional state, devoid of any tangible connection to anything you have ever said or done, but perhaps things you may have intended, thought or could one day perhaps, maybe, might, possibly do.  Like I said, forget logic, reason and trying to make any sense of the situation.  Simply accept you did worng, you are being punished and you have a duty to make ammends.

This will entail paying lots of attention to her over considerable periods of time.  No matter how much she ignores you, keep at it. It may take days or it may be only hours but slowly she will allow you to
do little things for her and she may even speak directly, albeit abruptly, to you.  Gradually she will soften further and tehn before you know it she will be the warm, loving asawa of old and you had
better warm up and forget the cold time and be ready to go on as if nothing happened!  If, like me, you find it difficult to be sexually aroused after a few hours of tampo, then don’t be surprised if she
goes right back into full blown tampo because you don’t love her anymore! You should be girding your loins as the ice melts and be ready to perform, studlike, as a show, proof shall we say of your love, devotion, fidelity, etc etc.

Remember, to a Filipina there is no shame in showing tampo, or being in tampo.  In fact the others in the family or barkada will have respect for her because she has a problem and she is dealing with it the right way and without embarrassing herself or anyone else by yelling and screaming. Like what us foreigners usually do!

Does it work the other way?  Can a foreinger husband tampo the wife? I guess you can but I realy can’t see it having the desired effect.  It really is a female thing but I really don’t agree with the men’s
way of showing their displeasure, beating up the wife.  The alternative is to grab the Bolo and “run amok!”.  I’ll try hiding in my den for an hour or two!