Philippines Books

Adventures Of An American Woman Married To A Filipino

I take great pleasure in introducing “Kissy”, an American woman, writer, author of three childrens’ books and soon to complete the StreetWise Cagayan De Oro! Expat’s Guide, to readers of Philippine
Dreams.  “Kissy” tells it how she sees it and doesn’t pull her  punches, exactly what we need when it comes to gathering useful information about this country.  Perry Gamsby Editor/Publisher

Don’t kid yourself that life is any different for me than it is for a man. I am the foreigner.  I am from America.  Being both of course makes me rich.  My mother in law thinks I have a money tree, as does my hubby’s brothers and sisters.  They don’t seem to get it that I had to sell everything I had and take what little I had in the bank just to move here.  In the three years I have been here, I have had to leave every year to go back to the States just to earn enough to buy another ticket, and bring back more money to live on and fix up this little house we call our home.

This latest time I have been back since the middle of March, and have dished out over US$1000.  Not that I mind spending the money, I love my Filipino husband and he is so good to me.  I feel like he is my wife sometimes because he insists that I just relax and let him do the cooking and cleaning.  Hot coffee always awaits me in the morning, and a fantastic massage every night.  He has spoiled me, and life would be very bleak without him.  This is a far different relationship than I ever had with an American guy.  Oh, I know American men say the same about American women, so I think we should just realize that there are many who just can’t have a good relationship with their own race.  I say to each their own.  Be happy for life is too short.

My first year here I thought I could save the world.  Feed all the hungry children, and tend to all the sick with my nursing experience. What dreams I had!   

My second year I realized I was no savior, and just relaxed and had a lot of fun. We traveled, went to beaches and the mountains.  My hubby had a great job, and we could afford to do a lot of fun things together.  I am not a drinker, but one night I decided to have a small cup of beer.  With a microphone and a karaoke player, and very big speakers I kept all the neighbors awake until the wee hours of the morning. The next night several neighbors showed up at our door wanting to have a party with the kano who loved to have so much fun.  I haven’t had alcohol since.

No, I have to say I did drink one more time.  My birthday is November 1st.  Hubby took me on a trip to Manila by ferry.  We had a stateroom there and back, and there was a Halloween party on the night of my birthday.  I was one of the three chosen to judge the crews costumes. I had a beer, and had so much fun.  Of course I sang, Happy Birthday to myself.  I have never had fun like that in America.  Filipinos know how to have a great time, and being at sea was a special treat.  I would love to live on a ship!  To me there is nothing as peaceful or beautiful than being at sea, the fresh sea breeze; and smelling the wonderful salt scented air, while watching the lapping of the water.  I am truly at home with the sea, and to know it is so close to me now is heaven.  I can look outside and see both the sea and the mountains. I love it here in CDO.  This is the most beautiful place on earth to me. I would never consider moving to another country.  I have friends here, and Filipinos make great friends, and I have my precious hubby who is my best friend.

There is another side to life here. It isn’t all a beautiful picture. There is always a dark side to everything. There is no positive without a negative.

MY 3rd Year
This is when the negative side set in.  Always before I could look beyond the poverty, the filth and the corrupt government.  Not anymore. My eyes are wide open, and I not only see the poverty, I live in it.
My husband lost his job just before I went back to the states last December.  His company was losing money so they cut many jobs. I wasn’t worried then.  He has an excellent work record, a BA Degree in Computer Engineering, and fantastic references.  I figured he would soon get another job.  How wrong I was.  With all the applications he has submitted he is still without a job. Either at age 35 he is too old, or too over qualified, that is always the answer he gets.  Now he just repairs computers for people who don’t want to pay over 300php at most, and even those repairs are only perhaps 2 or 3 a month.  We started a little sari sari here at home.  I put US$500.00 into it and lost everything. Oh the barred window and shelves are still there, but no stock.  Now there is no fun.  No trips and barely any food.  Even rice can be a luxury.

I wish I had read Perry’s idea about bed spacers before I wasted the money.  We have an extra room and live close to a teaching hospital. There is always a jeepney passing by.  If I had known about this bed spacer idea I wouldn’t be broke now, and living like a very poor Filipina holding an empty rice
bowl.

See this is real experience speaking.  You have no idea just how much you can lose here, but with the benefit of hindsight gleaned from Newsletters like this, you can prevent losing everything you have.

UPDATE APRIL 2008:  Kissy wrote this in September of 2004.  Within a few months her life had turned around dramatically.  She was ill, starving and destitute.  She never submitted the manuscript for the CDO Guide and as far as I know she was repatriated back to the USA by the US Consul.  The Philippines can be a harsh mistress for any of us. Always have your ticket home and cash to survive the journey and resettlement and don’t hang on to a drowning horse too long!  Know when to change in mid-stream.  I had to do it in May 2004 and return to Australia for four months and work just to feed the family. I copped a lot of flak from tiny minds over that, being called a failure and so on but who cares?  Don;t be afraid to retreat and regroup if the dream turns nightmare-ish!  Perry.