Philippines Books

Tampo is the most searched for term this Blog gets, according to my site traffic statistics. So perhaps some more discussion on the topic is called for? Tampo literally means ‘sulking’, or ‘to sulk’. Of course it means much more than that and is closely related to other Filipino cultural anomalies such as ‘amor propiyo’ or honourable behaviour and ‘hiya’, or pride, face etc.

Basically the tampo-er withdraws their favour and affection, in fact any interaction whatsoever, from the tampo-ee. In a culture where it is considered very poor form to release one’s pent up emotions with verbal and physical outbursts, tampo does the job for them. It can take the form of

“resisting expressions of affection, not talking to the person concerned or to people in general, being unusually quiet, locking oneself in his or her own room, refusing to eat, not joining friends in group activities, withdrawing from the group, simply keeping to oneself. These are usually efforts to get the offending party to make amends, and if these behaviours do not work, one might choose to escalate them, perhaps to foot-stamping, door-slamming, or muttering.” (Wikipedia 2008. Tampo)

We Kano’s might think someone who sulks is akin to a petulant child, however in the Philippines they view it very differently. Remember the cultural norm there is not to vent one’s feelings as that will cause offense and embarrassment to others, not just the person you are unhappy with. Remember how important it is to Filipinos to get along, ‘pakikisama’ or group harmony is a key cultural element.

There is a lot of common sense and practicality behind tampo when you consider the hierarchical nature of Filipino society and the close proximity of people living often in less than sound-proof conditions in multi-family groupings. Not much scope for intimacy and privacy between husband and wife or siblings.

There are domestic disputes in Filipino communities, make no mistake about that. People still have rows and yelling matches and get violent. However the accepted manner of managing such disputes is via tampo, not a slap across the chops or a chase with a kitchen knife. Tampo is almost exclusively used by the Filipina but Filipino men have been known to apply it in rare cases. Of course it doesn’t work on the Filipina and a man would be a fool to try and tampo his wife, be he Filipino or Kano. What is good for the goose simply doesn’t work for the gander in this case.

As for what does work and how to deal with being the tampo-ee will be the subject of the next installment.